I saw a post on LinkedIn today with a Dolly Parton quote. “Never be shy about telling people what you’ve accomplished. If you don’t tell them, how will they ever know?” I remember hearing her say it once and smiling. It sounded so simple. So obvious. So doable. Except it never has been for me.
Every time I have tried to talk about something I’ve achieved, people’s eyes glaze over. I get told not to brag. I get ignored. I get the polite nod that means wrap it up. So when I read that quote the first time, I thought "I wish".
Then I read the comments under the post. Woman after woman saying the same thing. They try to talk about their work and get shut down. They try to share their wins and get labelled as full of themselves. They try to take up space and get nudged back into the corner. It made me realise something I have known for years but never said out loud. Women are not bad at talking their worth. We have been trained out of it.
The Early Lessons
Most women learn the rules young. Be humble. Be quiet. Be grateful. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t overshadow anyone. Don’t be too proud. Don’t be too loud. Don’t be too anything. We learn that our achievements are fine as long as they are small, private and softened with a joke. We learn that confidence is acceptable only when it is disguised as luck.
By the time we reach adulthood, the message is baked in. Talking about our work feels risky. Talking about our success feels arrogant. Talking about our capability feels like we are breaking a social contract we never agreed to.
The Professional Double Bind
In the workplace, the rules get even tighter. If a man talks about his achievements, he is confident. If a woman does it, she is bragging. If a man shares his wins, he is strategic. If a woman does it, she is attention seeking. If a man promotes himself, he is ambitious. If a woman does it, she is too much.
So we shrink. We soften. We downplay. We let other people take credit. We wait to be noticed. We hope someone will see the work and name it for us. Most of the time, they don’t.
The Social Penalty
Women know the cost of speaking up. The social penalty is real. You can lose likability. You can lose support. You can lose opportunities. You can lose the comfort of fitting in. So we learn to make ourselves smaller to stay safe.
But here’s the truth I am only now learning to sit with. Playing small does not protect us. It erases us.
The Shift
Something is changing though. I see it in myself. I see it in other women. I see it in the comments under that Dolly Parton post. Women are tired of being quiet. Tired of being modest. Tired of being told that confidence is unattractive. Tired of being told that ambition is dangerous. Tired of being told that self promotion is bragging.
We are starting to name our work. We are starting to claim our titles. We are starting to talk about our achievements without shrinking them down to something palatable. We are starting to take up space we have earned.
The Real Question
The question is not why women struggle to talk their worth. The question is why the world still punishes them for doing it. The question is why confidence in women is treated as a threat. The question is why we are expected to be impressive but never say so.
The NMNG Truth
I am done waiting for permission to speak about my work. I am done pretending my achievements are accidental. I am done shrinking myself to make other people comfortable. I am done with the idea that talking my worth is bragging.
It is not bragging to name what you have built. It is not bragging to talk about your skill. It is not bragging to say you are good at what you do. It is not bragging to take up space in your own life.
It is honesty. It is clarity. It is self-respect.
The Last Line
Women do not need to learn how to talk their worth. We already know how. We just need to stop being punished for it.
